So This Is My Life?
by love14
Summary: I didn't think that after all this time I would be in this relationship. That I was friends with HIM. That he still had feelings for Elena. After what happened between them. It was all too much. Mentions of drug use and abuse. B/OC, D/B, D/E, S/E, C/T.
1. Alone

So this my first Vampire Diaries fic! Be patient with me. :P

**A/N**: I do not own the characters. (Except Jason.) They belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. I just get to play with them for now.

**Characters:** Bonnie/OC, Bonnie/Damon, slight Damon/Elena, Stefan/Elena, Caroline/Tyler.

**Summary: Set the future: **I didn't think that after all this time I would be in this relationship. That I was friends with HIM. That he still after all this time still had feelings for Elena and I was begging to lose sense of who I was and my purpose in this life. It had to come to end right?

**Warning:** There is mentions of physical abuse.

**Music that inspired this chapter: **City and Colour: Hope For Now and Weightless, Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton: Crowd Surf off a Cliff.

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><p>"I don't get it. I mean why is it that every time she asks you to do something you hop up like her frickin lap dog!"<p>

She had thrown her car keys on the side table as he was stumbling toward his bed. As she was yelling at him she had forgotten that they had under the most unexpected and bizarre circumstances formed a friendship. It wasn't conventional by any means but it was them. With him she didn't have to worry about what she said or what she wore. She didn't have the expectations laid upon her that she had with the rest of_ them_. In particular with the one she chosen to be in a relationship with; appearances meant everything to him now.

That's why she was dressed up in this fancy black gown and had six inch stilettos on. Business dinners trumped anniversary dates. So did the regular trip to the bathroom to top off the last fix he had "to calm my nerves" he would say. The flimsy jacket she had on wasn't doing anything to shield the chill she felt from the rain that had ragged on her as she tried to haul her _friend_ up his staircase that lead to his room. She was pissed that she had to practically carry him home after he had almost embarrassed himself at this dinner party. She really didn't have the time to deal with this.

"What is it with you? Why can't you just accept the fact that she is never going to love you! Not the way that you deserve. I can't stand here and watch as you throw everything away. And for _what_? An unattainable dream that one day she will look at you the way she looks at _him_? Caress your face the way she does him? Kiss you the way she does him? Touch you? It's NEVER going to happen and the sooner you realize that the better. Because I can't-"

She had her left hand resting on her hip and her right palm flat against her forehead. She didn't get! After all this time, why was it was that he was still harboring feelings for this women. It is almost as if he had lost utter respect for himself. It hurt her to watch _her_ dismiss _him_ the way she had tonight. To watch _her _throw the relationship she had with the other _one_, in front of him was cruel. She even had the audacity to ask him to get _them_ drinks!

From that moment on she knew that she was going to be cleaning up _her _mess tonight.

The feelings she had for him were platonic right? She had the one she believed she wanted on her arm tonight and she couldn't help but feel like she was in the wrong spot. She still had this feeling that she made a mistake. She never should have told him that _it_ was a mistake and that they could still be friends.

Now she was yelling at him and saying all the things she felt about her own relationship and she didn't know if it was going to ever change.

The right side of her jaw was still tender from two nights before and the bruise was a bitch to cover tonight.

"_Hey honey. How was work today?" she walked over to him and helped him out of his jacket and hung it up on the coat hanger for him. _

"_It was fine." He said as loosened his tie. "How was your day?" _

"_Oh it was good__.__ Did a bit of grocery shopping and dropped off the dry cleaning. Had a bite with the girls. You know the usual." _

"_Oh and how are Elena and Caroline?"_

"_Good. Good. Elena and Stefan are going to be at that business dinner of yours on Friday. Caroline is bringing Tyler with her. I hope that is going to be alright."_

_He smiled up at her then. "Of course baby, I mean Stefan works there to honey, so does Caroline."_

_He hugged her and as he inhaled her scent he could smell **his **cologne on her. He placed his hands roughly onto her arms and pushed backward so that he could look her in the face. _

_She was confused; she thought that they were getting better. She was obviously wrong. His face had drastically changed from loving and calm to murderous and spiteful. _

"_So lunch with the girls huh? Then why is it that I can smell another MAN on you? And let's not get it twisted baby we both know who I am talking about. I thought we had already discussed this." His hands squeezed tighter._

"_It's not what you think." she pulled her arms from his grasp and walked into the kitchen. _

"_We ran into each other during lunch it was nothing! And he has nothing to do with this **baby**. Let's not forget **we** didn't **discuss **anything. You seem to think that you can pick and choose my friends now. You can't. He and I have been friends for as long as you and I have been together. You didn't seem to have an issue with it then. So why now?" _

"_Look I am not stupid ok! Are you sleeping with him?" _

"_God no! How could you even think that? I would never do that to you Jason!" _

"_Really; because we both know that you have a history with that sort of thing!" _

"_That was before I met you! How dare you…" She was hurt by the assumption he was placing on her. How could he think so low of her? _

_He rushed at her then. _

"_Don't try and deny it. I can smell him on you. It's all the proof I need. You may not be sleeping with him now. But you and I both know you would be if it wasn't for the fact that you are with me and that he's in love with Elena." _

_She was eerily calm at that moment._

"_You know what Jason you are absolutely right. I would be sleeping him and I am sure that he wouldn't treat me the way that you do! He wouldn't sleep with his frickin assistant behind my back and expect me to be ok with it either. But hey what can I expect from such a **small **man?" _

_And just as the words left my mouth she really didn't care that he would raise his hand to her again and she really didn't care that it was going to hurt because at that point, all the hurt she was going to feel afterward was not even a fraction of the turmoil that was raging inside of her._

_Just as she though. An open palm came down to the right side of her face. It sent her fumbling against the kitchen counter. He took a step toward her and took hold of her arm. He tugged her in close so that he could whisper into her ear._

"_Bonnie you know that I really hate to do this to you. So why do you persist on making me angry? We both know how it's going to turn out. I am man honey. Which means I am stronger then you. Don't forget that. As for Dana, well a man has different needs then a women baby and she fulfills those needs. Don't get me wrong you and I still have an amazing sex life but…hey being the **small** man that I am someone has to take care of them right? She had her eyes transfixed on a spot on the wall ahead of her._

"_I still want you Bonnie and I refuse to live without you. I am a man that gets what he wants. Don't ever forget it." He had a firm grip on her arm then, and as she had her eyes saw his hand raised in the corner of her eye, she moved her face away from his hand as he tried to move her bangs from her face._

"_Don't forget that we have my business dinner to attend this week. You better not embarrass me Bonnie. I know that he's going to be there. I just want you to know that if this night is ruined in any way we are going to have a problem. But I know that you are going to be on your best behavior right darling?"_

_It still amazed her that he could still have the sweetest voice yet have it harbor such coldness and malicious in it at the same time._

"_Yes." She said quietly. He let go of her arm then _

"_That a girl. See when we play by my rules everything is better isn't it?" He smiled then and walked toward the fridge and grabbed a beer. He proceeded to the living room to watch the business channel._

_She let out a sigh then and couldn't help to think that this could not be her life. This couldn't be what she had given up magic for. This couldn't be what she had let **him** go for._

He was sitting on his bed minus his suit jacket and tie. He was trying to remove his shoes now. As he fumbled with them uselessly she walked toward him then and kneeled down and pushed his hands away to help him.

"Cant' what?" He asked, looking down at her hands as they moved as delicately as she walked.

"Do this with you anymore. Yes I am and always will be your friend. But not like this. I can't stand to see you self-destruct anymore. It's really disgusting to watch. You don't even-." As her tone had dropped to no more than a whisper, she couldn't help but feel frustrated.

"You know what? I think that we have had enough for tonight." With that she rose, as did he.

"I didn't ask you to come here and **lecture **me on how to live my life! You sure seem to have all the answers for someone who throws herself at a guy who- Let's face it -is a few sniffs away from his rightful place six feet under. Have you looked in the mirror lately honey? Because the makeups wearing off, and his handy work is begging to show."

She looked at the ground then and raised an eyebrow to that. She knew there were only so many times she could tell him that she ran into the door. Or she had fallen into to the kitchen counter.

"Hmm... well I guess we have each other figured out huh? You know what's really tragic about this whole thing is that I never thought that this would be US! After all this time we are still here. Nothing's changed. Yes he and I have a complicated relationship. But at least I have one! You don't!' It's not real Damon. Elena is with Stefan. You have to let it go. With that she walked to the side table to retrieve her car keys. She looked over her shoulder as her hand reach for the door knob.

"Make sure you lock the door when I leave."

With that she opened the door and left. Back to her cold apartment. Jason was probably going to be with _Dana_. She wouldn't have expected anything less right now anyways. He was probably getting high and fucking her right now. On their anniversary night too. When had she become so small? So insignificant? There had to be more then night spent alone in their apartment. Sitting up at night thinking about her what her life had become over one to many glasses of wine.

A restless night in a cold bed was not what she was looking forward to tonight. As she reached her car she looked back up too see that Damon still had his light on. She had to wonder then when they had become _this. _She put the key in the ignition and sped off into the direction of the nearest liquor store. She was going to need it to celebrate her 2 year anniversary alone.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked the first chapter. It's a bit darker then I had originally planned but hey these things happen right? <strong>

**Feel free to hit that Review button! Tell me what you think. Criticism is always welcome! Any suggestions? Should I keep going? Let me know!3 **

**Love Alisha (love14) ;)**

**Until next time.**


	2. The Beginning Part 1

**Hey you guys! I just wanted to apologize in advance for taking forever to write another chapter. I have so many ideas running in my mind that it was proving to be difficult to decide how this was going to go. :) Plus I wanted it to be authentic. And for those who were if Damon was a vampire or not I think I covered that. I just want to thank everyone one of you who have Favorited, Subscribed and left me Reviews! **

**A/N**: I do not own the characters. (Except Jason.) They belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. I just get to play with them for now.

**Characters:** Bonnie/OC, Bonnie/Damon, slight Damon/Elena, Stefan/Elena, Caroline/Tyler.

**Summary: Set the future: **I didn't think that after all this time I would be in this relationship. That I was friends with HIM. That he still after all this time still had feelings for Elena and I was begging to lose sense of who I was and my purpose in this life. It had to come to end right?

**Warning:** There is mentions of physical abuse.

**Music that inspired this chapter: **City and Colour: Sorrowing Man, O'Sister.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2- The Beginning<strong>

He walked over to the side table and poured himself a glass of bourbon sans the ice. As the liquid slid down his throat the burning sensation did nothing for the rage that was stirring in his chest.

He didn't think it was going to come down to this. Who was she anyways to tell HIM anything about relationships? She lives in a fantasy world were the guy she has been with for the past 2 years is an absolute dick and treats her like shit.

And for what? So that he can walk around with the mentality that he broke her and he got a sweet deal because he has a beautiful woman to flaunt in front of his rich snobby I'm-too-hot-for-you business associates?

He still didn't get it. Jason always had something about him that Damon had not liked. Decisions had been made on both his and Bonnie's behalf that could never be taken back.

It had begun during her last year in high school. They had been on a frantic search for Stefan and Klaus and in that time they had formed what is now their friendship; a friendship that Damon had taken for granted. At first, the relationship was based purely on keeping Elena from losing it and finding Stefan; whole or not.

Damon had to admit that he felt guilty and couldn't understand why Stefan had gone and "sacrificed" himself for him. But then again Damon would have done the same thing had it been the other way around. Yes they had their differences, but Damon knew that his "undead" life would not be the same without Stefan in it. It was comforting to know that he was out there somewhere and that the possibility of them running into one another was still an option. Yes, even though they had their issues, Damon still had the love that one can only have with one's family. He may never say it out loud but he felt it.

He didn't quite know exactly when he and Bonnie had become friends but he had a feeling that it had started the night after she and Jeremy had broken up.

_The gang had all gathered around in the Salvatore living room and Bonnie was attempting to complete a locator spell; anything to get a direct location on Stefan. She had a map in the middle of the table, an old stone on the map, candles lite around her and she was chanting to herself. Hands outstretched in front of her and one of Stefan's shirts beside her, Bonnie had the room humming with an electric charge that could only be explained as tense._

_Elena had been a handful and trying to convince her to take a breather and leave the hard stuff to those __**equipped**__ to handle certain matters had NOT been what she wanted to hear. _

_Bonnie trying to soften the blow had not been well received either and Caroline was on "Keep Elena Calm" duty. Bonnie had for all intents and purposes been the go-to for answers._

_Damon knew that by grilling her and demanding things of her was not the way to go. But it was in his nature. Knowing how Bonnie would receive demands placed on her by him, was only going to end one way: him on the ground nursing a huge ass headache or paying for a new $300 shirt imported from Italy._

_Damon had come accustomed to these sort of things from Bonnie. He would say something to piss her off and she would reply with a magical kick in the ass. One of which Damon had grown to admire about her. She wasn't afraid to put him in his place and openly defy him. _

_Tonight was about Stefan. Alaric had gotten a phone call from a contact that he had and they had a lead; which explained why his living room was filled with the Scooby Gang._

_As Bonnie continued with the spell the table with the map began to shake. The stone began to move and the flames rose around her. She began to rock back and forth. Her chanting increased in volume. The charge of the room increased and then the flames disappeared, Bonnies chants ceased and the stone had moved toward the United Kingdom; London to be exact. _

"_Hmm…what the hell are they doing in London?" Jeremy asked_

"_I don't know. All I know is that we have a lead on their whereabouts and that's enough for me." Elena sighed as she ran a hand through her hair._

"_This is good right? Now we can go and get him and things can go back to normal." Caroline said apprehensively rubbing her hands together with a small smile on her face._

_Damon stood there and he felt that this was just the tip of the ice burg. Sure they had a location but London was a large enough city that if Klaus didn't want to be found he sure as hell wouldn't make it easy for them to find him._

"_Alright. This is good just don't get your hopes up ok." Damon had directed that to Elena because they had been here before and it didn't turn out so great the last time. They had the location and the plan, in Damon's mind was flawless. He just didn't expect to find an empty house with a note that said:_

_Better Luck Next Time_

_-K_

_That had been a kick in the gut but only fueled Damon's anger further. With Bonnie on the magical end of things he didn't have to worry about her so much as he did with Elena. She was (and as much as he didn't want to say it) the weakest link. He couldn't keep a straight head if he had to constantly worry about whether or not she was still standing. _

"_I know that Damon. Thank you for reminding me." Elena turned on her heels and walked toward the front door and left._

"_Just doing my part love." He called to her._

"_Smooth Damon." Caroline chastised as she to left._

"_I really don't get why everyone gets mad at me for stating the obvious." He walked toward the bar and poured himself a drink._

"_Maybe it's because you're an ass." Jeremy said as picked up his book bag and jacket from the loveseat. Walking toward the long hallway he looked over his shoulder to look at Bonnie._

_She was still standing behind the tale and had her head down. He continued down that hallway and left with a sigh._

"_Night man. We'll talk tomorrow?" Alaric was walking backwards to the door._

"_Yeah tomorrow. We have to get on this fast I don't want a repeat of New Mexico." Damon had his hand outstretched in Alaric's direction. _

_Alaric left with a nod._

_Damon turned toward the fireplace and out of the corner of his eye he saw Bonnie. "I would have thought you would have left already Judgey." He was walking toward her then not really paying attention as he raised the glass to his lips for another drink. But there was a shift in the air, the charge was different. The metallic smell that was coming from her direction had Damon's senses on overload. _

"_What the hell?" he whispered. He looked up then and he finally noticed Bonnie's demeanor. Her hands were clutching to either sides of the table to held Stefan's location. Her head was down and as his trailed his eyes lower he saw the steady drops of blood pitter-pattering on the map beneath her._

"_I'm fine." She said in a low whisper. "Just stay where you are ok. I don't want you to-"_

"_The hell you are. I don't know who you think you are talking to honey but you got the wrong one. I am not Jeremy and I am certainly not Elena."_

_He made his way over to her and brushed her long curly hair from her face. He then placed his index finger under her chin. Her left hand came up impossibly fast and grabbed hold of his wrist._

"_I told you to stay back." Her breathe was labored then and as her head came up to meet his, blood was flowing freely from her nose. Her eyes had turned pitch black. With a flick of her wrist Bonnie threw Damon cold across the room. She attempted to take a step forward but she collapsed in a heap onto the floor. Damon had not seen anything like that in a long time and what was happening now was not what Bonnie had signed up for._

"_Jeeze Judgey what the hell have you been getting yourself into?" he whispered as he rolled over to pick himself up. He walked toward Bonnie and crouched down with an outstretched hand he brushed the hair from above her eyes. He picked her up and walked up the stairs toward his bedroom. He gently placed Bonnie on the bed and then proceeded to his bathroom. _

_He retrieved a shallow bowl and filled it with warm water. He reached for a washcloth and walked back to an unconscious Bonnie. As he placed the bowl on his bed side table, he took a second to study her. He had forgotten how young she was. Sure she had the power of a hundred witches, but after bringing Jeremy back from the dead and as her ancestors put it "taken our gift for granted", he hadn't thought of her as fragile._

_Not until now. _

_Seeing her now was a wake-up call. He walked over to the far end of the room and grabbed the chair sitting in the corner. He placed it opposite to her sleeping form. He placed the washcloth in the water and he tentatively brought the cloth to her marred skin. He took his time washing the blood from her face. It gave him time to think about what they had discovered. _

_Stefan was in London with Klaus._

_Damon remembered the last time Stefan had been in London. He made history out there in the early 20th Century. He just hoped that Stefan was strong enough to hold out for a little while longer. Damon and the rest of the gang had to make an attack plan and then Stefan would be home. _

_As he washed away the remains of blood on her face, Damon couldn't help but think how long Bonnie had been holding out on them. She was a frickin martyr and as it became very clear to Damon she would give everything she had to save someone she cared about, including her very life. The thought of someone else dying because of him didn't sit well with him. He didn't want any more pain to be inflicted on the small circle of friends he had. The guilt wasn't something that he wanted to live with forever._

_He placed the bloodied cloth in the bowl and sighed. He ran his hand across his face and slouched forward resting his elbows on his knees. He felt exhausted. Bonnie was as peaceful as he had seen her since this whole thing had started. He was just glad that one of them was that innocent looking even with the chaos going on around them._

_A soft moan broke him from his silent musing. Bonnie had begun to shift on the bed._

"_Hey." He murmured softly._

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><p>I am going to dedicate a couple of chapters to the background story. I am going to delve into the history of Jason very soon. Bonnie and Damons history from the past will be reveled! :)<p>

I am not going to promise a quick update because I am going to visit my University this week so I am going to very preoccupied with school. BUT I do promise that to those loyal readers that I will defiantly be writing for you guys on my trip up there!

Thank you in advance and please please please review and tell me what you think!

Much Love,

Alisha 3


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